Bananas
Eggs
Orange Juice – NO PULP
Cottage cheese

Okay.

Life is full of twists. Stay flexible. Take a yoga class.

There’s no receipt for your time. But if you get one, ask for the itemized receipt.

​You always have more to gain when taking risks. But if a friend dares you to jump off a bridge, you probably have more to lose.

Stop eating cookies, fat ass.

Today, you will find love in an unexpected place. Tomorrow, you will get caught cheating.

Life is about balance. Try surfing.

Generosity is contagious. So is strep throat and AIDS.

Yesterday is two days before tomorrow.

Don’t say anything to that girl. She doesn’t like you like that.

​Love can last a lifetime. Energy lasts forever. If you’re in a relationship, take Adderall. If you’re single, rest up.

Please, recycle me.

Re: Google Software Engineer Internship
 
 
                                                          Mahatma Gandhi
1104 Main Street, Porbandar, India 360545 | 562-821-1921 | ghandhi.is.cool@yahoo.com
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
EDUCATION
University College London​, London, UK                                                                                 1888
Bachelor of Arts, Economics                                                                         
Double minor: Creative Writing and Fasting
Cumulative GPA: 2.931
 
Inner Temple​, London, UK                                                                                                         1889   
           
LEADERSHIP

• Pretty famous
• Leader of the Indian National Congress
• Led a landmark march to the sea to collect salt in symbolic defiance of the government monopoly (1930)
• Captain of Middle School kickball team
• Initiated the Indian Independence Movement

                                                                                                                       
AWARDS                                                                                                                             

• Time Magazine man of the year (1930)
• Runner up for Person of the Century (Lost to Albert frickin Einstein)
• Nominated for the Middle School kickball sportsmanship award
• Nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize 5 times (Got robbed every time)
• Second runner up in a Julius Caesar toga contest 
• Received most improved basket weaver (fifth grade)

 
WORK EXPERIENCE
Bagels and Brownies Employee                                                                                               1888

• Provided quality customer service through interactions with customers in person and over the phone

 
Rashtrapati Bhavan Museum                                                                                                    1889

• Assisted as an elevator attendant

 
COMMUNITY SERVICE

• Helped India pretty immensely (unpaid)
• After arrested, founded a prison-wide book club for 19th century science fiction novels

 
 
Additional Skills:

​Juggling, singing, able to fast for long periods of time,
Good stamina, talented chess player, familiar with Microsoft Office