Absence makes the heart grow fonder – you’re lonely

Born with a silver spoon in your mouth – seek medical treatment immediately

Off the record – when you want the reporter to know who you slept with, buy you’re not ready for the whole world to know

Here goes nuthin’ – something is most definitely about to happen, and it is not going to be good

Bring home the bacon – what you tell your mother when she asks, “What should I pick up from the grocery store?”

Beat around the bush – when your father beats you with a belt, but he does it behind a bush so the neighbors can’t see, but it’s a tiny bush and you’re in the front yard so they can for sure see

​Fluffer puffer – not a phrase, but I'd like it to be

A penny for your thoughts – your thoughts are pretty much worthless

God bless you – you're disgusting

Put a sock in it – when you ask what else you should put in your stuffed suitcase

A picture is worth a thousand words – unless it’s a blurry picture

Friendly fire – when you’re roasting S’mores, and the fire is just that perfect temperature, putting a smile on your face and treating you right

Nose to the grindstone – cocaine lingo

​Needless to say – When you decide to talk, but acknowledge yourself that there is really no need to

​By the skin of your teeth – Lips

Drag race – Women and men dressed in drag run a 5k

A fish out of water – When a fish is at a restaurant and asks a waiter to refill her glass

Neither here nor there – nowhere

Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater – please don’t kill your children
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Busy as a bee – when you have to make a lot of honey

That came out of left field – Ted Williams

The bees knees – A scientist explaining the anatomy of a bee before getting fired

Hit the hay – when a farmer is mad

Cliff-hanger – Your sketchy “friend” who you’re pretty sure hanged his old college roommate, Cliff

Accidents will happen – said by people who are about to cause a problem

Excuse my French – When an idiotic tourist struggles to ask for directions in Paris

Dark horse – sorry, that’s racist

​Fast asleep – When a fat guy tries to explain that he goes 7-9 hours without eating every single day

Chick flick – When you flick a young chicken across the room

More bang for your buck – prostitution

Steal my thunder – Zeus would often accuse people of this

Take a back seat – Rosa Parks declined

Better late than never – said the captain of the rescue ship sent to find the Titanic

Cool as a cucumber – When you think you’re cool, but you’re not at all
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Chip on your shoulder – When you wake up after a long night of drinking, and you find an old Pringle resting on your shoulder, so it becomes your breakfast 

You are what you eat – cannibals

Round Robin – Batman sidekick’s nickname in high school when he put on a few pounds

Cold Turkey – A wild turkey who stumbles out of his home into the night, forgetting to put on a fleece

Close, but no cigar – When you vape, thinking it will be as cool as smoking a cigar, but it just isn’t quite there

Double Cross – Jesus in another dimension

All things must pass – a stance on immigration
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​A dog is a man’s best friend – someone who has no friends